I’m not the New-Year’s-resolutiony type. Usually my gym related, or diligence related resolutions don’t work out the way I planned it. So, over the last years I didn’t think of any resolutions at all.
But this time, I feel like I should change something. Not about my appearance, or style of studying, but about my attitude.
As an introvert I mostly observe and think. I think a lot. I overthink things. I make easy things complicated. I procrastinate thinking about the difficult things. And thus I also happen to think a lot about the people I meet in my daily life.
I will be honest now, although I might sound like a horrible person – but when I meet you for the first time, I will look at you and pigeonhole you. There are three kinds of people to me: People I judge, people I envy, and people I intimidated by.
People I judge are the ones who are 28 years old, and haven’t moved out of their parent’s house yet. Or girls who moved in with their boyfriends with 21, and forgot about the existence of any other personal pronoun than “we”. People who spend their vacation somewhere on the beach in an all-inclusive resort with pool animation and anti-exotic lunch buffets.
People I envy are the ones who learn languages easily, whose parents can pay for their high school year experience abroad, who have great connective tissue. These people who appear to have it all – the money, the skills, the looks… seemingly without even working hard for it.
People I’m intimidated by are these 2o year old girls, who are more experienced than me in so many ways: Lived on two continents, backpacked solo through Argentina with 17, have more fashion sense than I could ever have. Or that girl who just starting studying, but already is buddies with the most influential professors, because she read every book from Dostoyevsky to Proust in her childhood.
Being judgmental, envious, and intimidated are negative emotions. They are these kinds of feelings that put a veil of negativity on my everyday life. If I perceive people as one of those three kinds, I’m unfair to them. But I’m also unfair to myself, because these emotions are toxic.
In 2013 I want to change my attitude towards the people I meet. I will try to ban negativity from my life and be a happier, more appreciating person instead.
I want to turn judging into accepting. Even if I don’t agree with your opinions, even if your choices aren’t mine, I will accept you for the person you are. If you are happy with how your life turned out – although I couldn’t live like you – I will be happy for you!
I want to turn being jealous into being happy for you. Jealousy is a poison that I will no longer tolerate in my life. You were lucky enough to inherit great skin and a full bank account? Good for you! I will no longer be talking about how unfair life is. I will be happy for you. And I will constantly be reminding myself that I grew up in one of the richest countries of the world, where I’m free to study, to work, to fulfill my dreams whatever they are. I’m healthy. Compared to more than 90% of the world’s people, I’m wealthy. I no longer want to waste my time being irrationally envious. I want to be thankful about everything I have – instead of thinking about what others have more of.
I want to turn being intimidated into being inspired. You got this far, because you work hard for it. Because you don’t waste your time checking out your competitors on facebook. I want to learn from you. I will admire your strength, but no longer feel small next to you. I will try to take a leaf of your book when it comes to self-consciousness. If I don’t how it is done, I will ask you for advice.
I want to appreciate every single person I meet in 2013. I want to be accepting, happy, thankful and feel inspired. I want to see an enrichment of my life through the people who are in it.